Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Dear Baby

I'm having a baby this month... Well, I hope anyways.  Since I'm not due until the 27th, I suppose she could come in March.  If she does, I'll be so disappointed.  I've been looking forward to February for too long for it to just come and go haha but we'll see. 

In the mean time,  I've tried to make a "Dear Baby" letter:  A list of interesting things that she might want to know someday. One day, I'll make it pretty and put it in her baby book.

Dear Baby-

Here are some interesting things you might like to know someday:

When you were inside my belly, you were quite the sassy lady.  You didn't like anything or anybody cramping your space.  When I sat at work, you demanded perfect posture--otherwise I faced an infinate number of punches to the rib cage.  And when Daddy tried to cuddle with me at night, you would push him away if he got too close to my belly as if saying, "Excuse me, can't you see this this space is ocupado?" As soon as he'd move away, you'd sprawl out once and then settle down.  This always made me laugh.

Daddy and I were almost 100% positive you were going to be a boy.  We were planning on naming you Malcolm Daniel or Finley Alexander.  You may have brothers with those names one day.

We were shocked when we found out you were a little girl.  Daddy's first question was, "How do you play with a little girl!?"  I told him to play with you the same way he would a little boy.  That probably means that one day I'll hear you practicing throwing gernades at passing cars and gunning down bad guys.  Is it bad that I'm excited for this?

Before I even knew you were a girl, I knew your middle name was going to be Louise because I promised my Grandma Alexander when I was 13 that my first daughter would be named after her.  She probably forgot it, but I never did.  I know Louise is old fashioned, but I hope you never hate it.  Grandma Alexander was named after her mother, your great great grandmother. 

Lydia Louise Skinner Robinson.  She was an amazing person.  When I was little, my family went to her house every Halloween and we usually ate pies with her on Sunday evenings.  I always sat by her side while she visited with the adults and the other kids played in the yard.  She called me "her little red-head" or "Donny's little girl."  I remember being amazed at how she could still walk up and down stairs at such an old age.  My dad always commented on how she would bend her body completely in half to weed, even when she was really old.  She had a lot of poodles.  She had a laundry shoot in her hallway--a little door you would lift up to put clothes in and they would drop down to the laundry room.  The great grandkids loved playing with it and we were always putting toys down it.  She never got mad. She would just laugh.  The street she lived on was named after her, because she'd lived there so long.  Atleast, that's what I always thought.  She had a cracked front tooth, but she always smiled. I sang "Each Life That Touches Ours For Good" at her funeral when I was in middle school.  I didn't want to, because I knew I'd cry and I hate crying in public.  I still cry when I sing the third verse.  I remember looking out over the crowd and realizing that there wasn't a single empty seat, nor a dry eye in the chapel.  People were even standing along the walls.  She touched the lives of so many people and they all loved her.  She was beautiful.

I hope you are kind, like she was. That you always smile, enjoy the simple things, and know that beauty is not only on the outside.

Janet Louise Robinson Alexander.  We are so lucky to have her still with us.  She is the glue that holds the Alexander families together.  Some of my favorite childhood memories are from when she and grandpa came to Pennsylvania to visit our family.  Whenever they were around, we were on our best behavior.  Things I'll always remember:  I loved laying on her lap and having her play with my hair while telling me stories about her childhood, even when she claimed that she didn't remember much.  We played Yahtzee, ate Rita's Water Ice, and celebrated our birthdays together at The Shady Maple every year. I took her to get her first pedicure when she was 72 years old.  Grandpa Alexander was her first boyfriend.  She never had a speeding ticket.  When she laughed really hard, her whole face would squinch up.  She was always laughing or making other people laugh before she got sick and she was pretty good at it afterwords too.  She always kept her nails long and she let me play with her hair when I was really little (like six years old).  She loved everyone: her children, her grand children, her great grand children, her neighbors, her friends, and strangers.  But you were never a stranger for too long.  She was always making new friends.  She was so proud of her family and she always let us know it.  She was compassionate, but fair.  She loved Dancing with the Stars and she never left the house with out making her bed.  She always had a different ring on her finger.  She loved gold jewerly.  She collected dolls and it's because of her that I'll always have a place in my heart for Shirly Temple.  When ever I was discouraged, she could help me see something positive.  I always told her the drama that was going on in my life.  She probably couldn't have cared less, but she always listened and she never judged.   She really valued time and always told me to never wish my life away. She let me dress her up--fake eyelashes and all.  She embarassed grandpa sometimes, but she would just chuckle about it and keep doing what she was doing.  She sure loved him and he adored her.

I could go on and on about Grams.  I've had a lot more time to get to know her. I hope you are like her as well.  Friendly, family oriented, a good listener, and loving.  I also hope you have a hearty laugh.  It makes other people smile.

I didn't really have any cravings while pregnant with you.  Towards the end I ate a lot more sweets than normal. And there was one time, during my second trimester, when BBQ chips were really appealing.  I also ate a lot of pickles, but that's nothing new.

We were in Scotland when... and I'll stop there.... haha

Daddy and I went to Subway after Doctor Sojourner confirmed that we were pregnant.  We said it was to celebrate.  We sat in silence eating our sandwiches.  I don't think your daddy or I have ever been more terrified/overjoyed before.  It was surreal. 

Before I could feel you inside my tummy or see my baby bump, I knew that I loved you because the thought of you not being there made me want to cry.

I never threw up. Not once.

We found out we were pregnant the same day as our big family reunion after Grandpa Alexander's 80th birthday party. I called my mom first and then Grandma Alexander.  Before noon, the ENTIRE family knew the news.  Poor Daddy didn't even have time to register it all.

About a month before you were due, you would run your tiny fist along the inside of my belly for like 5 minutes sometime during the day (morning or night). I would tell daddy that you were either trying to hold my hand or you were just waving. I could see the outline of your little knuckles and I couldn't wait to hold your little hand.

Before I had my first ultra sound, I was convinced that I was having twins because you were so wiggly!

At Christmas time, you would "dance" when I'd play The Nutcracker's Sugar Plum Fairy song.

When I was pregnant with you, I all of the sudden became very nervous about being robbed or hit by a car. I ran through so many scenerios in my mind about what I would do to keep you safe.  I think you're daddy thought I was going nuts. But I knew that I would do anything to protect you.

I don't know that I'll ever feel adequate to be a mother, but I do know that I will always love you.

Our list of girls names: Violet, Madeleine, Lydia Skye, Cameron, Kenly, Marlee, and Madalyn.  But we couldn't pick a name for you until we saw you.  We picked....